So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
where am i from again
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
