omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
