i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
