Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
