I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
