I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize