Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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