Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We talked him into tasing himself.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
