i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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