She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
