I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
