is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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