i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
