Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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