The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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