goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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