Small penises have feelings too.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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