my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
