He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
