I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
