i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
