Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
