Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
