Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
