whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
