I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
