ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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