fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
