It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just had sex on a roof
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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