I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
