Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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