So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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