He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
