can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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