I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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