She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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