god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
