i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
