DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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