the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
