he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
