I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize