He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
