how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
