i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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