2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
