i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
