Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
