Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
