Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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