awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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