So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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