The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
