i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
