I cockslap morals
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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