i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
