What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
