you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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