Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
