you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
