I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
