I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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