Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
