Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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