According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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