I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
