I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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