just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
