those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
