my phone needs a breathalizer
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
