Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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