I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
