Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
