just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
