to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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