I want to make a zoo with you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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