Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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