no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
