btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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