You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
