this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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