you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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