Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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