Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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