This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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