I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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