Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
