you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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