SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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