my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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