She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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