wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
