I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize