So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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