sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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