Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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