He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
