does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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