Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
