I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
