DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
