I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
