for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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