Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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