yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
