I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
